The wedding ceremony itself traditionally consists of two elements, the Kiddushin (Espozorio) and the Nissuin (Kasamiento) or the betrothal and the actual marriage. Though they were once separate components, they are now combined into one ceremony.
Meaning and Significance
Contents
History
Espozorio / Kiddushin – Engagement
In Rhodes, an engagement was celebrated at the home of the bride-to-be, with a full complement of sweet treats offered especially to the parents of the groom, novio, as a gesture to sweeten the meeting of the two families at the engagement. Amidst great excitement the future in-laws would exclaim, Vamos a ser kosuegros!, We’re going to be in-laws! The town crier, kombidadoro, would announce the engagement along the streets of the Jewish quarter. He would carry a silver tray, mandada, holding marzipan sweets, a sprig of rue, gold leaf paper, varak, and jewellery, including a gold chain, kadena, and a gold amulet, shaddai, with the mystical name of G-d engraved on it.
Nochada d’espozorio – Evening engagement celebration
The Rabbi was invited to read the nuptial agreement, tenayim. In the kinian ceremony, an exquisitely hand-embroidered white handkerchief was held by a member of both families, indicating the groom’s promise to bind himself to his chosen fiancé. This was followed by the family wishing the couple good health and happiness, salud i alegria. The future father-in-law of the bride, esuegro, then handed the couple a simple gold ring, anio d’espozorio, engraved with the Hebrew letter He. The wedding date was then announced.
Today the halachic engagement ceremony is combined with and takes place at the same time as the actual marriage ceremony and there is no separate halachic engagement ceremony. Couples may have engagement parties but there is no longer a halachic element as part of that celebration.
Rebecca Amato Levy’s reflections on Engagements in Rhodes
The Engagement (Kinyan) The explanation regarding the engagement procedure is as I remembered it from the time I was about seven to eight years of age, following World War I. To begin with, among the poor, the engagement arrangement was made through relatives, neighbours and friends. The brides and grooms were all chosen. They each had no say in the matter. How-ever, the wealthy would hire kasaminteros or matchmakers. Most of the time they were men hired to select the groom.
When a father had what he considered an ample dowry, he would hire a matchmaker to find someone for his daughter. The matchmaker would receive either a percentage of the dowry or a specified amount. The person selected had to be of an equal status. Arrangements were made for the potential groom to visit the home of the prospective bride. While the intended bride would be passing the dulces or sweets, the groom would be eyeing her, while the matchmaker would be negotiating with her father. Before leaving, the agreement would be finalized and the date of engagement set.
We must mention that because the Island of Rhodes was rather small, and the Jews lived very close to each other, everyone more or less knew each other and the family backgrounds.
On the engagement day, the kumbidadera (sort of a town crier) transported the mandada, a tray filled with marzipan, a sprig of aruda covered with alvarek (gold leaf), a diamond pendant, gold bracelets, gold earrings, a gold chain with Shadai engraved on it, (a medallion with God’s name), silk stockings, and sometimes silk material for a dress. This type of mandada was known as sinyal, a sign of their engagement.
The kumbidadera would return the tray from the bride with another type of sweets, a pair of gold cuff links, a silk shirt, a stick pin with a pearl, and a gold watch and fob, or chain. In the evening there was a celebration by both families in honour of the engagement.
Prior to the party, a representative of the community would go over the arrangements to make sure everything promised was in a contract (called Kinyan in Hebrew). Once the bride-to-be was married, she ordinarily relinquished any inheritance from her parents unless the father specified otherwise in the contract. The contract would list the dowry and also indicated the wedding date. Engagements could last three to four years. The contract had to be witnessed by two men.
If for some reason, the engagement was called off, all the gifts had to be returned, and another contract would be drawn up showing that they were both free. This contract was known as kinas.
Bueno, a se biva la kusuegra
Bueno, a se biva la kusuegra
K’es loke le dio a su ija
Nada no le dio a su ija
Ya le di yardan de perlas
Ya le di yardan de perlas
Ke se pase kon su suegra
Bueno, a se biva la kusuegra
Bueno, a se biva la kusuegra
K’es lo ke le dio a su ija
Nada no le dio a su ija
Ya le di avas kemadas
Ya le di avas kemadas
Ke se pase kon sus kunyadas
Bueno, a se viva la kusuegra
Bueno, a se viva la kusuegra
K’es lo ke le dio a su ija
Noda no le dio a su ajo
Ya le di siete siperes
Ya le di siete sipetes
Ke los avra i ke los serre
Bueno, a se viva la kusuegra
Bueno, a se viva lo kustegru
K’es lo ke le dio a su ija
Nada no le dio a su ija
Ya le di siete chintianes
Ya le di siele chintianes
Una para kado noche
Bueno, a se viva la kusuegra
Bueno, a se viva la kusuegra
K’es lo ke le dio a su ija
Nada no le dio a su ija
Ya le di un manseviko
Ya le di un manseviko
Sin barba i sin mustachico
Long live the mother-in-law
Long live the mother-in-law
What did you give your daughter (for her trousseau)?
I did not give her anything,
Just a pearl choker to get along with her mother-in-law.
Long live the mother-in-law
Long live the mother-in-law
What did you give your daughter?
I did not give her anything,
Just some burnt beans to get along with her sisters-in-law.
Long live the mother-in-law
Long live the mother-in-law
What did you give your daughter?
I did not give her anything,
Just 7 trunks that she can open and shut.
Long live the mother-in-law
Long live the mother-in-law
What did you give your daughter?
I did not give her anything,
Just 7 pairs of bloomers, one for each night.
Long live the mother-in-law
Long live the mother-in-law
What did you give your daughter?
I did not give her anything,
Just a young man
Without a beard or moustache.
The Engagement (Kinyan) The explanation regarding the engagement procedure is as I remembered it from the time I was about seven to eight years of age, following World War I. To begin with, among the poor, the engagement arrangement was made through relatives, neighbours and friends. The brides and grooms were all chosen. They each had no say in the matter. How-ever, the wealthy would hire kasaminteros or matchmakers. Most of the time they were men hired to select the groom.
When a father had what he considered an ample dowry, he would hire a matchmaker to find someone for his daughter. The matchmaker would receive either a percentage of the dowry or a specified amount. The person selected had to be of an equal status. Arrangements were made for the potential groom to visit the home of the prospective bride. While the intended bride would be passing the dulces or sweets, the groom would be eyeing her, while the matchmaker would be negotiating with her father. Before leaving, the agreement would be finalized and the date of engagement set.
We must mention that because the Island of Rhodes was rather small, and the Jews lived very close to each other, everyone more or less knew each other and the family backgrounds.
On the engagement day, the kumbidadera (sort of a town crier) transported the mandada, a tray filled with marzipan, a sprig of aruda covered with alvarek (gold leaf), a diamond pendant, gold bracelets, gold earrings, a gold chain with Shadai engraved on it, (a medallion with God’s name), silk stockings, and sometimes silk material for a dress. This type of mandada was known as sinyal, a sign of their engagement.
The kumbidadera would return the tray from the bride with another type of sweets, a pair of gold cuff links, a silk shirt, a stick pin with a pearl, and a gold watch and fob, or chain. In the evening there was a celebration by both families in honour of the engagement.
Prior to the party, a representative of the community would go over the arrangements to make sure everything promised was in a contract (called Kinyan in Hebrew). Once the bride-to-be was married, she ordinarily relinquished any inheritance from her parents unless the father specified otherwise in the contract. The contract would list the dowry and also indicated the wedding date. Engagements could last three to four years. The contract had to be witnessed by two men.
If for some reason, the engagement was called off, all the gifts had to be returned, and another contract would be drawn up showing that they were both free. This contract was known as kinas.
Bueno, a se biva la kusuegra
Bueno, a se biva la kusuegra
K’es loke le dio a su ija
Nada no le dio a su ija
Ya le di yardan de perlas
Ya le di yardan de perlas
Ke se pase kon su suegra
Bueno, a se biva la kusuegra
Bueno, a se biva la kusuegra
K’es lo ke le dio a su ija
Nada no le dio a su ija
Ya le di avas kemadas
Ya le di avas kemadas
Ke se pase kon sus kunyadas
Bueno, a se viva la kusuegra
Bueno, a se viva la kusuegra
K’es lo ke le dio a su ija
Noda no le dio a su ajo
Ya le di siete siperes
Ya le di siete sipetes
Ke los avra i ke los serre
Bueno, a se viva la kusuegra
Bueno, a se viva lo kustegru
K’es lo ke le dio a su ija
Nada no le dio a su ija
Ya le di siete chintianes
Ya le di siele chintianes
Una para kado noche
Bueno, a se viva la kusuegra
Bueno, a se viva la kusuegra
K’es lo ke le dio a su ija
Nada no le dio a su ija
Ya le di un manseviko
Ya le di un manseviko
Sin barba i sin mustachico
Long live the mother-in-law
Long live the mother-in-law
What did you give your daughter (for her trousseau)?
I did not give her anything,
Just a pearl choker to get along with her mother-in-law.
Long live the mother-in-law
Long live the mother-in-law
What did you give your daughter?
I did not give her anything,
Just some burnt beans to get along with her sisters-in-law.
Long live the mother-in-law
Long live the mother-in-law
What did you give your daughter?
I did not give her anything,
Just 7 trunks that she can open and shut.
Long live the mother-in-law
Long live the mother-in-law
What did you give your daughter?
I did not give her anything,
Just 7 pairs of bloomers, one for each night.
Long live the mother-in-law
Long live the mother-in-law
What did you give your daughter?
I did not give her anything,
Just a young man
Without a beard or moustache.
The Trousseau
https://youtu.be/0-oztVYqxs0https://youtu.be/ssSCI3llWd4
Sources and References
- Rebecca Amato Levy, I Remember Rhodes (1987).
- Stella Cohen, Stella’s Sephardic Table (2012).